bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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