omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
