My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize