I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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