I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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