you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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