He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
