yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
