And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
