i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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