I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
