My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
