Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
