Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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