Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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