i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
