Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
