it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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