Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
