It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
