I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize