Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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