Duck Duck Cougar?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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