If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
