yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
