So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
