The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
