It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
