the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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