please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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