Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize