How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
