Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
