You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
