i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
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