The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
