And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
