There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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