i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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