WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
