So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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