she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
