In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
