Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
