i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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