i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
