She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
