Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
