just come out here and I will go home with you...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
