Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Houston, we have a blender
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
