i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
