i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
