i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
