dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
