last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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