all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
