So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
