I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
