Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
