Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
