I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
