I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize