Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
