I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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