she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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