That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
