Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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