proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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