If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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