I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you would pick up someone in the library
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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