so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize