member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
