Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize