Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she peed on how many people?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
