Plan B is the new Plan A
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
