Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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