Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
