i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
