first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
