You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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