Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're too hungover to prance.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
