I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
