Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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