It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
