That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
