What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize