Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
