I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
