I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
