so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
