There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
well, you know. whores of a feather.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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