Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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