oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
