I've blown a few things in my day
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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